Saturday, December 28, 2013

In Which I Rant

I never really expected to become this sort of person, but I'm getting a bit angry so I'm allowing myself to vent.

No matter how well I feel that the human species is evolving, I am still seeing more and more examples of the continued prevalence of inherent sexism in many constant things; the English language, popular religions, media of all types. The biggest issue seems to be: men are considered the 'default' human, as it were. Similar to most white peoples' mistake (it was mine as well, formerly thank goodness) of considering white to be 'raceless' while every other race builds on the raceless template. It limits understanding and is 99% of the time subconscious.

The English language is fairly obvious in this assumption; masculine pronouns are simply more common than feminine and not only shape our biases towards something, it is nearly always subconscious. Male words are often short in syllables and conjure up images and feelings of strength (it's most obvious in names like Jack, Max, etc.) while female words are associated with soft and delicate (Jessica, Madison, anything ending in -ey). I'm making generalizations because I'm not a scientist, but the point is that the way think of men being the default is obvious even in our choice of words and language. Changing them to things like "herstory" is never going to work.

I read an article a long time ago, describing the dynamics of a couple in a relationship. When one person is in the dominant role, they are comfortable. They won't understand why the other person gets upset that they leave the toilet seat a certain way or the cap off the toothpaste, because they are in power it means they chose to do so; how can the other person be so upset about some mundane decision? Because the other person had no choice but to deal with the decision of the first person. This way of thinking applies to men: they don't understand these silly feminists bickering about terminology like "herstory" when it has the significance of leaving the cap off the toothpaste, but feminists are legitimately angry because they are dealing with a decision made hundreds of years ago that gives the assumption that men are supposed to be in power.

I also read an argument online (earlier today, in fact) about letting women in the military. People on both sides and in all different positions (in the military and not) were giving very well thought out, completely "justified" examples of why women just should not be soldiers. I put justified in quotes there because it was completely justified, but only in their own minds. One solid example is that women tend to have hips, which cause them to be unable to deadlift over 140lbs. Ever. All women. Any shape, size, stubborn-ness, etc. are all lumped together and were decided that they cannot ever deadlift over 140lbs by some guy, who everyone else decided to agree with. One woman was staunchly arguing against this point, claiming she did crossfit, martial arts, and other forms of exercise and could lift 145lbs. People were brutal in their defense of their made-up facts, despite the fact that her profile picture indeed had her wearing a crossfit shirt. Do you see the danger here? One of the guys arguing claimed to have been in the Marines and, since he never saw any woman lift over 140lbs, declared it impossible; the hips just wouldn't let women lift more than 140lbs ever. The crossfit woman must be lying to "prove a point." Don't even get me started in that direction. Clearly, in this venue, the men's argument is revealed to be total bullshit. However, in the forum it was in, it was at least 20 guys arguing with one woman. Only the woman had legitimate proof that she could, even as a woman, lift over 140lbs, despite her hip disability, but she was outvoted because of the assumption that men are supposed to be in power, therefore right.

I'm not even touching media, which is so vast in its wrongness that I don't have the energy to touch the rant.

I never thought of myself as a 'radical feminist' or even a feminist until a year ago. No big event happened, I just decided to say something every time I noticed something, that's all. Just that little change has made me see these base assumptions everywhere I look. It's easy to say "I want equality" but what does that mean? I thought it meant women = men, but that's not true is it.. can it ever be? People will always argue women are physically different than men, because they are right. Hell, medicine is JUST NOW realizing that "hey, women react differently to medication designed for men.. huh" one example is heart attacks. Women typically don't get the whole arm tingly, tight chest, etc that every single person can recognize as a heart attack. Usually they get flu-like symptoms and a 'sense of impending doom.' Sometimes they just get the sense of doom, not the flu.. but it results in 80% heart damage. So no, women are not the same as men and therefore and not equal in terminology. However, levels of respect should absolutely be equal. Guess what, when I'm on my period (or in unfamiliar surroundings or in stress, imagine that) my intuition and levels of empathy go through the roof. My favorite example, because it totally won my husband over to its level of reality, is as follows:

My husband Billy and I were in Japan, visiting my brother, Mike. Mike had to go to work, Billy wanted to explore, but I didn't... it's not that I didn't want to as such, but I didn't think we should. Just had a feeling. Billy talked me into it enough that we started walking to the train station. We were feet away from buying our ticket when I started to get a very deep feeling that we shouldn't go. Billy got upset because I had no reason to back it up, other than some vague feeling that wasn't based in rooted fact that he could understand. I eventually talked him into it and, very begrudgingly, we started walking back to Mike's house. Halfway there, Mike pulls up along side us in his car; he had gotten the day off in order to be able to hang out with us. If we had gone exploring, we would never have run into him, and (later we found out) we were about to buy tickets to the wrong place and would have gotten very lost.

The point is, I'm not the only one. Men don't get this every month, but women do and can be 'trained' to recognize the feelings and enhance them. Maybe that should get some level of respect instead of the usual eyeroll and marginalizing cringe of "oh god pms." Not to mention the odd double standard of "women are so delicate they can't handle blood and violence" and the fact that we bleed for a week every month and handle it with dignity (well, women do.. girls not so much. There's a difference). It's the most metal thing I can think of.

Clearly we have a long way to go, but I cannot believe we are still figuring this shit out. I mean, we've been here the whole time too ya know? /endrant

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

In Which I am Beside Myself

This morning, the first day of 2013, I was awoken at a reasonable time by a text message from a friend informing me of his immediate plans to kill himself. He was currently in an abandoned laundry mat and trying to calculate the quietest and quickest way, and was deciding on an overdose.

My husband and I managed to keep him texting (his preferred method of contact) for an hour but he ended the conversation with "I just got arrested" and then two minutes later "It was nice knowing you. You're the only person I bothered to contact".

I have no idea if getting arrested was a lie or the truth. I've never hoped so much for someone I know to be arrested.. then he would be watched and he wouldn't be alone. I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I don't know if he's alive.

I contacted a member of his family through Facebook, for I had no other choice. Besides that, I am impotent in my abilities for further action. All I can do is stare into space and let the water drip. He's the only friend I've made in this new town and the thought of losing of him is unbearable. I have no words.

*Edit* He is alive and in a better place.